Project 2025: A User’s Guide to Turning Democracy Into a Dumpster Fire
Welcome to Project 2025, the MAGA-approved blueprint
for American greatness, if by greatness,
you mean theocratic dictatorship, unhinged bureaucracy, and enough gaslighting
to power the sun.
Brought to you by the Heritage Foundation, the same folks
who think compassion is communism and that Jesus was a stockbroker, Project
2025 is the Mein Kampf of PowerPoint slides, a 900-page doorstop of deranged delusion. It
reads like what would happen if a middle-school civics dropout got drunk on
Mountain Dew and Fox News, then decided to rewrite the Constitution using a
crayon and a copy of The Art of the Deal.
So, what is Project 2025?
In short, it’s a step-by-step guide to how Donald J. Trump, or
his dumber, hungrier clone, can bulldoze what’s left of American democracy and
replace it with a personality cult run out of a Chick-fil-A drive-thru. It
promises to remove the "deep state," which is code for “people who
know what they’re doing,” and replace them with loyal foot soldiers who have
passed the only loyalty test that matters: the ability to say “Trump is our
savior” without blinking or vomiting.
It’s like hiring mall cops to run NASA because the actual
scientists rolled their eyes once.
Under Project 2025:
- Civil
servants will be purged, like expired meat, and replaced by MAGA
minions with zero experience but lots of bumper stickers.
- The
Department of Education? Gone. Why educate people when ignorance votes
more reliably?
- Environmental
protection? Canceled. Trees don’t vote. Neither do polar bears.
- Reproductive
rights? LOL. In MAGA-land, women’s bodies are public property like
post offices, only with more moral judgment.
- LGBTQ+
rights? Reverse engineered. The only rainbow Project 2025 supports is
the one on a gas-guzzling pickup during a toxic oil spill.
But don’t worry, it’s
all being done in the name of “liberty.” You’ll be free to say what you
want, as long as it’s flattering. Free to worship, as long as it’s the
correct white Republican God. Free to vote, as long as your ballot is
pre-approved by Mike Pence’s ghostwriter.
And let’s talk about the Founding Fathers for a second.
These powdered-wig-wearing rebels bled to escape monarchy, and now Trump and
his think-tank trolls are trying to reintroduce it, orange wig and all. Only
this time, the King tweets, sues, whines, and eats Filet-O-Fish in bed.
Project 2025 promises “discipline.” But the last time Trump
showed discipline was when he managed not to tweet during a colonoscopy, and
even then, it was unclear which end the phone was in.
They call it a “presidential transition plan.” But it’s less
a transition and more a hostile takeover, the kind of plan Lex Luthor
might cook up if he took a correspondence course in fascism from Liberty
University.
You know who loves Project 2025?
- People
who call the FBI “traitors” while hoarding AR-15s.
- Billionaires
who cry about socialism while using public roads to drive to their private
jets.
- Men
who haven’t seen their feet since 1993 but are convinced masculinity is
under attack by oat milk.
And let’s not forget the evangelicals, who look at Trump,
the walking embodiment of the Seven Deadly Sins, and see a modern-day Moses,
leading us not to the Promised Land, but straight into a Chick-fil-A franchise
in Sodom.
The truth is, Project 2025 isn’t a plan. It’s a tantrum, a
manifesto for those who think empathy is weakness, facts are fake, and the only
thing worth conserving is white male grievance. It’s a declaration of war, not
on elites but on competence, decency, and everyone with a college education or
a conscience.
So yes, laugh at it. Mock it. Satirize the hell out of it.
But don’t ignore it.
Because if we sit on our hands while these clowns rewrite
America, we may wake up in 2025 in a place we don’t recognize, a country where
the flag waves, but only in one direction, and truth is whatever the man in the
golden toilet says it is.
And if that happens, the joke won’t be on Trump.
It’ll be on us.
William James Spriggs
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